5 Steps to Communicating Persuasively — So People Actually Listen.
Have you ever wished people would actually hear you? Not just nod and wait for their turn to talk — but lean in, trust what you're saying, and act on it?
That's a skill. And like any skill, it has steps.
I learned these five steps three ways: in school, on the job, and by plain old doing it — selling energy door-to-door, watching my dad work insurance, and trying to convince my wife which movie we're seeing on date night. They work whether you're pitching a CEO or pitching your team on a new idea.
Here they are:
- Nail the first impression
- Build real rapport
- Ask the right questions
- Teach, don't pitch
- Close without pressure
A word of warning: you can skip a step or run them out of order, but you do it at your own risk. Walk through them on purpose — slowly or quickly, depending on the moment — and you'll get a lot further than winging it.
Let's go.
Step 1 — Nail the First Impression
You want people to want to hear what's coming out of your mouth. And since more than half of communication is nonverbal, start with what the other person sees.
Dress for the moment. I wouldn't wear a shirt and tie to win the date-night movie debate. But I would absolutely wear one — maybe a jacket too — to talk to a CEO about his company's insurance. Match what you wear to the situation, the idea, and the person.
Smile, look them in the eye, and bring some energy. Smile like you mean it — not the creepy, frozen kind. Make real eye contact. And be genuinely excited about what you're talking about, because excitement is contagious. If you're flat, they'll be flat.
Say who you are and what you want — clearly and short. Some people call this your "elevator pitch." Your name, where you're from, a quick line on your idea, and what you're hoping happens next. Thirty seconds to two minutes, tops. About the length of an actual elevator ride.
Then — this is the part most people miss — get quiet. After your pitch, let the silence sit. Don't fill it with nervous chatter. The quiet is your chance to read the other person and gauge their interest. Let them reply. Then you move on.
Step 2 — Build Real Rapport
By now you've made a decent first impression and gotten someone interested. Next, you build rapport — which is really just a fancy word for trust.
Don't rush this. The trust you build sets the speed for everything after it, and it decides whether this person ever lets you back in the door.
My dad sells insurance. He had a client he didn't sell a single thing to for almost four years. The first time he sat down with the guy, he realized there was no sale to be made — but he did learn the client hated insurance and hated getting it re-bid every year. So my dad offered to just be the guy who handled all of that for him. The client loved it, hired him as a consultant, and used him in that role for three years. Three years of getting to know the man, his business, even his family. Then the trust was there.
I'm not saying it takes four years to get a yes. I'm saying don't shortcut this part. Here are three ways to build rapport that works:
1. Be relatable. A communication scholar named Kenneth Burke taught that we're persuaded most by identification — by sameness. If someone can find something in common with you, you've raised the odds they'll trust you. Quick tip: glance around their office or desk. Photos of family, hobbies, a fishing trophy — those are open doors.
2. Be real. Nobody likes a fake. And most people have a good gut sense for when someone's only in it for what they can get. So actually care about the person in front of you. That's rarer than you'd think, and it stands out.
3. Be consistent. One thing I've learned: consistency drives success more than raw talent does. When your words and your behavior line up over time, people learn what to expect from you — and that's what makes them trust you. Which means you're never really done building rapport. Keep doing it the whole way through.
Step 3 — Ask the Right Questions
This step carries some weight, because it decides whether you should even keep going.
How many times have you talked someone all the way to the end of a pitch — only to find out they were never going to be able to say yes? Couldn't afford it, didn't need it, wasn't their call to make. Maddening. I've done it more times than I'd like to admit.
You can save yourself a world of wasted time by answering three questions early:
1. Are they a fit for this? Are they actually the kind of person or company that would want what you have? I wouldn't try to sell heavy construction equipment to a school district — that's not what they buy. Curriculum or computers? Now I've got an audience.
2. Does this solve a real problem they have? A sales coach named Ed Lamont taught me this one: if there's no problem, there's nothing to sell. Sometimes the person doesn't realize they have a problem yet, and your job is to help them see it. But sometimes the problem genuinely isn't there — and you need to be honest with yourself about that.
3. Are they a fit for you? This one sounds odd, but hear me out: do you actually want to work with this person? If the deal is quick and low-contact, a difficult personality might be fine. But if you're about to spend serious time and energy with someone unpleasant for not much return, you get to decide it's not worth it. That's allowed.
Step 4 — Teach, Don't Pitch
This is the moment everything has been building toward. Because if you make a great first impression, build real trust, and ask good questions — but never actually help the person understand what you've got — all you've done is make a new friend.
The goal here isn't to sell at people. It's to teach them, so they can decide well. Three things make that land:
1. Paint a picture. This might be the most underused tool we've got. People are wired for stories, not bullet-point fact lists. Say I'm buying soccer cleats. A clerk could rattle off the materials, the stud type, the price — all true, all boring. Or he could say: picture yourself sprinting down the field, the boot so light you feel barefoot, never slipping even at full speed, the ball stuck to your foot when you pass. Same cleat. World of difference.
2. Put it in their hands. Few things persuade like actually holding the thing. Let me try the cleats on. Hand me a ball to juggle. Now I'm not imagining how light they feel — I'm feeling it. If you sell something you can't touch — like insurance — build the next best thing: a simple one-pager that shows what makes it different and why it matters to them.
3. Put yourself in their shoes. What you think is the best feature may mean nothing to the person across from you. That's usually a sign you asked weak questions back in Step 3. Picture the clerk hyping how these cleats boost my shot power — except I'm a defender who rarely shoots. Useless to me. If he'd known that, he'd have talked about speed and ball control instead, and I'd have been sold. Know the person, then talk about what they actually care about.
Step 5 — Close Without Pressure
You ever get all the way to the end of a great conversation and then choke on the ask? Your mind races back through everything you said, hunting for the spot where you blew it.
When I sold Reliant Energy door-to-door, I once pitched a car dealership that ran four locations. One yes would hit my goals for the next four months. I'm sure my nerves showed. But I pushed through, did my best to show the real value and savings, and after two hours — and a conversation between my contact and another officer — they said yes. That single sale broke the record for the largest commission in the program's history to that point. I'd done the first four steps well. I just had to finish strong.
But don't count your eggs before they hatch — or the sale before the check clears. Here's how to finish strong without strong-arming anybody:
1. Ask. Ask for the sale. Out loud. So many people just… don't — like if they explain enough, the person will come crawling, begging to buy. (If you figure out how to make that happen, call me.) A direct ask is also the kindest thing you can do, because it tells you whether to close or to back up and teach a little more. With the dealership, I said something like: "So — do you want to go with the one-year or the two-year rate?"
2. Explain what's next. The moment they say yes, they should know exactly what happens now — what you'll do, what they need to do, and when. Clarity is most of what makes an experience feel good. And remember: people talk about how you made them feel. Make it worth talking about.
3. Reaffirm. Ever felt buyer's remorse? You can't kill it completely, but you can shrink it. Thank them for trusting you. Remind them of the one or two biggest wins coming their way. Then set a real follow-up — a date and time to check in and see how it's going.
The throughline
Look back at the five steps and you'll notice none of them are tricks. Dress for the person. Earn their trust. Ask honest questions. Teach instead of sell. Ask plainly, then care about what happens next.
Persuasion that lasts isn't about getting one yes. It's about being the kind of person people want to keep saying yes to. Do these five well — on purpose — and you won't just be heard once. You'll be trusted for a long time.
Lead your home. Lead your work. Lead your life.